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Thread: Christian Gaming Zone

  1. #1

    Default Christian Gaming Zone

    http://objectiveministries.org/zounds/gaming.html

    This website is 100% serious, the funnier stuff is about halfway down

    discuss

    12.10.2008: Tetris is an action puzzle game where the player rotates falling block shapes to make them fit together in a pile. When a row is filled, it disappears, keeping the height of the pile of blocks from increasing. As the game progresses, it continually speeds up until the player starts making mistakes that allow the blocks to reach the top of the game area, ending the game. Tetris is unwinable, you can only put off your inevitable defeat. This fatalistic aspect of the game should come as no surprise since it was originally created in 1985 in the Soviet Union, where the Atheist government taught everyone that there is nothing but a bleak, pointless existence followed by death with no chance for Salvation. It is claimed that the word "tetris" comes from the game pieces all being made of four blocks. In reality, the game was named in mockery of the Trinity by adding a forth hypostasis, the Communist State, to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Because it is simple to program, versions of Tetris can be found on every game, computer, and operating system. There have even been implementations of Tetris done using computer controlled lights in office buildings, turning the lighted windows into the falling blocks. The ubiquity of Tetris is also because it is highly addictive. Its repetitive gameplay and use of a repetitive Russian folk tune causes players to slip into a hypnagogic state, making them receptive to the Communistic themes inherent in the game imagery (everyone is an unindividualistic block that must be made to fit together in Soviet conformity, and sometimes whole lines of people are made to disappear without any explanation). This is intentional, since, like all work done by the Soviet Academy of Science where Tetris was developed, it was part of secret military research, in this case having to do with mind control. (The US military also researched mind control video games in the 1980s, including one called "Polybius", but we never used them during the Cold War, unlike the Soviets who unleashed Tetris into the general public where it's still affecting people to this day.) Because of its fatalistic worldview and the danger it poses to people's God-given Free Will, all implementations of Tetris get ZERO CROSSES. [See our Tetris video exposé on GodTube.
    Last edited by x-shadow; 03-11-2009 at 08:52 PM.

  2. #2
    Villager Killer X747's Avatar
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    Finally a Christian gaming site! Yes I'm a Christian and I'm getting derepped for it.
    http://forum.travian.us/picture.php?...pictureid=1575
    Quote Originally Posted by Zingoleb View Post
    I knew it! Link is gay!
    Quote Originally Posted by g1tarw1zard View Post
    Oops, I missed the beheading.

  3. #3

    Question Ummmm....

    This isn't very funny. It's just a list of games with a Christian theme. Although, that Tetris description is rather hilarious..... I'm a Christian and even I think that's ridiculous.

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    Tradesperson Rafaelz's Avatar
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    Oh no! Atheists will get you!
    Leave your name when you De-rep me on random, 6 month old posts ya little lassie.

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    Here's a thought to pass on to any unsaved gamerz you know:

    “U save ur game b4 u die... shouldn't u let Jesus save ur soul b4 u die IRL?”

    The graphics and gameplay are old school, like old Final Fantasy or Zelda games only without the occult or homosexual influences.
    I knew it! Link is gay!

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Killer X747 View Post
    Finally a Christian gaming site! Yes I'm a Christian and I'm getting derepped for it.
    I don't think it's so much because you're a Christain as much as you're new.

    As for the site...

    They should have made all the text in blue... or at least the OP's should be.

  7. #7

    Lightbulb

    Quote Originally Posted by Zingoleb View Post
    Here's a thought to pass on to any unsaved gamerz you know:

    “U save ur game b4 u die... shouldn't u let Jesus save ur soul b4 u die IRL?”

    The graphics and gameplay are old school, like old Final Fantasy or Zelda games only without the occult or homosexual influences.

    I knew it! Link is gay!
    Haha, I didn't see that either. People come up with the craziest things.... Freedom of speech sometimes has its drawbacks......

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rafaelz View Post
    Oh no! Atheists will get you!

  9. #9
    Philosopher jimjim's Avatar
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    Here's a thought to pass on to any unsaved gamerz you know:

    “U save ur game b4 u die... shouldn't u let Jesus save ur soul b4 u die IRL?”

    The graphics and gameplay are old school, like old Final Fantasy or Zelda games only without the occult or homosexual influences.
    Because Jesus can't save something that is already dead.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zingoleb View Post
    I knew it! Link is gay!
    *plots to get back at them for dissing Zelda* Show me the 'homosexual influences' in Zelda. And I like Final Fantasy. Even though it never really is the final fantasy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jimjim View Post
    Because Jesus can't save something that is already dead.


    *plots to get back at them for dissing Zelda* Show me the 'homosexual influences' in Zelda. And I like Final Fantasy. Even though it never really is the final fantasy.
    That scene in Twilight Princess, where Link is in his underwear.

    Mmm....

  11. #11
    Philosopher jimjim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zingoleb View Post
    That scene in Twilight Princess, where Link is in his underwear.

    Mmm....
    Oh, haven't gotten to it yet. Why is he skinny dipping, and how is that a 'homosexual influence'?

  12. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zingoleb View Post
    That scene in Twilight Princess, where Link is in his underwear.

    Mmm....
    I saw that a long time ago, not the first thing that comes to mind

  13. #13

    Wink

    Wow. Now that I've seen everything on there, this is funny. The list of the Christian themed games in fine, but the reviews of other games?? Wow. Hilarious. Halo evil? Tetris evil? Haha. He's better off NOT reviewing any games. I have themes games and they're not evil; in fact they're great games. It disappoints me to think that there are other Christians out there that say any idiotic things they want while tarnishing their faith in the process..... While it is ridiculous and funny at the same time, I kinda expected this from protestants.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jimjim View Post
    Oh, haven't gotten to it yet. Why is he skinny dipping, and how is that a 'homosexual influence'?
    He's actually wrestling with another scantily clad male.

    Will Right, the guy who made Spore, is a professed Atheist, so he likes to deceive people with so-called "satire" (which is really just an elitist way of saying "lies"... did you know that the word "satire" is really a combination of the words "Satan" and "ire"? It's true, I read it somewhere.)
    He read it somewhere, it must be true!

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    Philosopher jimjim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zingoleb View Post
    He's actually wrestling with another scantily clad male.



    He read it somewhere, it must be true!
    I read plenty of non-true things, like you post.

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    Artisan Zeek_Fett's Avatar
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    I laughed at the Halo pics...

    The fact that there's nothing but armor in the censored area makes it absolutely hilarious. And the quote is: "Homosexual activities in Halo".

    They also view cheats in any game as sinning.

  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by x-shadow View Post
    http://objectiveministries.org/zounds/gaming.html

    This website is 100% serious, the funnier stuff is about halfway down

    discuss
    I played the you testament just so i could be a heretical jerk and make up stupid ****.

    Wheres the game that lets me preach tolerance and discriminate against minorities and homosexuals at the same time?

    "A RTS based on the popular book series. Lead the Tribulation Force to conduct physical & spiritual warfare against throngs of unsaveds in the streets of New York, where chaos breaks out as God's purple vortexes start Rapturing Christians. There's now also a sequel, Left Behind: Tribulation Forces, with new maps and 45 new missions! †††††"

    Scary.
    Last edited by raeyunred; 03-11-2009 at 09:25 PM.

  18. #18

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    "BioShock is a first-person shooter set in Rapture, an underwater city created upon the Atheist philosophies of Ayn Rand and Charles Darwin. In a Darwinian struggle to survive, players must kill small children in order to harvest their "Adam" (a.k.a. "stem cells"),"

    "The children themselves also kill other people to harvest their Adam, which is the sort of behavior Godless Darwinism teaches young people"

    Although really, the guy looks like this.



    What did you expect?

  19. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeek_Fett View Post
    I laughed at the Halo pics...

    The fact that there's nothing but armor in the censored area makes it absolutely hilarious. And the quote is: "Homosexual activities in Halo".

    They also view cheats in any game as sinning.
    Which is why i think it's satire.

    The halo description is by far my favorite.

    It's not very often i LoL while reading a game review.

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    My friend just got - and beat - Bioshock yesterday. You choose between harvesting the children or saving them.

    These people both amuse and depress me.

  21. #21

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    Wow. There isn't a single sentence in the GTA: IV review that is true...

  22. #22
    Artisan Zeek_Fett's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Perspective View Post
    Which is why i think it's satire.

    The halo description is by far my favorite.

    It's not very often i LoL while reading a game review.
    Yeah, it very well could be satire. In fact, I don't doubt it at all.

    The achievement at the top is funny, too. "The only achievement that really matters".

  23. #23
    Villager Killer X747's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Perspective View Post
    I don't think it's so much because you're a Christain as much as you're new.

    As for the site...

    They should have made all the text in blue... or at least the OP's should be.


    Yeah that's true, I made a mistake in my post . But I'm still just glad to actually know about a site like this.
    http://forum.travian.us/picture.php?...pictureid=1575
    Quote Originally Posted by Zingoleb View Post
    I knew it! Link is gay!
    Quote Originally Posted by g1tarw1zard View Post
    Oops, I missed the beheading.

  24. #24

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    I found that site a while back and I've been hoping that it was primarily satirical, but I don't think it is.

    I'm a Christian (duh, for anyone who reads the religion threads here) and I find these reviews to be mostly off-base. It drives me batty that people like this are what some people define Christianity off of.

    That being said, I'm drafting up a "Do you actually believe the crap that you're spewing?" e-mail to send to this reviewer right now.

    On a side note, I read that Tribulation Force or whatever it's called isn't too bad of a game. I just haven't gotten around to buying it. Who knows, though, if I'll actually get around to it with games like Dawn of War 2 in my arsenal.
    In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.
    - Douglas Adams (1952-2001)
    Grammar Natzee's Unite!

  25. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by Killer X747 View Post
    Yeah that's true, I made a mistake in my post . But I'm still just glad to actually know about a site like this.
    Are you kidding? If you want non-BS game reviews you're much better off going to a site like www.IGN.com or www.GameSpot.com.

  26. #26
    Artisan gammix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rafaelz View Post
    Oh no! Atheists will get you!
    Planning to siggy, I just have to figure out which other part of my signature to get rid of.

    -Gammix
    In memory of Zingoleb, who was a dumb*** and posted porn.

    Quote Originally Posted by mbstokem View Post
    First they let the blacks take our women now women can take our women?!?
    Quote Originally Posted by Nichts View Post
    I'm looking for nuts.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sapient View Post
    Is it worth it to pretend to be a girl just to get some stuff?
    Depends on what the "stuff" is.

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legionnaire67 View Post
    It drives me batty that people like this are what some people define Christianity off of.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tacitus View Post
    Nothing is worse in a debate than dumb people on your own side.
    Nothing worse in religion than having insane fanatics on your own side.

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    Artisan gammix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AcidMonkey View Post
    Nothing worse in religion than having insane fanatics on your own side.
    That's the main reason why we heathens choose not to be Christian.

    -Gammix
    In memory of Zingoleb, who was a dumb*** and posted porn.

    Quote Originally Posted by mbstokem View Post
    First they let the blacks take our women now women can take our women?!?
    Quote Originally Posted by Nichts View Post
    I'm looking for nuts.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sapient View Post
    Is it worth it to pretend to be a girl just to get some stuff?
    Depends on what the "stuff" is.

  29. #29
    Tradesperson Rafaelz's Avatar
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    OMG I was quoted?
    Leave your name when you De-rep me on random, 6 month old posts ya little lassie.

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    Philosopher jimjim's Avatar
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    I like the Guitar Hero one best. Coincidentally, I like playing as the devil guy best. Is that a sign?

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    Quote Originally Posted by jimjim View Post
    I like the Guitar Hero one best. Coincidentally, I like playing as the devil guy best. Is that a sign?
    His name is Lou.

    Like Pastor Skeet says, "Jesus is the light, turn Him on!" But how will these kids know to turn on Jesus?
    What...the...****...

  32. #32
    Philosopher jimjim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zingoleb View Post
    His name is Lou.



    What...the...****...
    That sounds wrong...

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    Artisan gammix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rafaelz View Post
    OMG I was quoted?
    Look out, I may quote that one too! Live in fear!

    Quote Originally Posted by jimjim View Post
    I like the Guitar Hero one best. Coincidentally, I like playing as the devil guy best. Is that a sign?
    Crosses, ready. Stones, ready. Imaginary friends, ready. Loading... fire!
    In memory of Zingoleb, who was a dumb*** and posted porn.

    Quote Originally Posted by mbstokem View Post
    First they let the blacks take our women now women can take our women?!?
    Quote Originally Posted by Nichts View Post
    I'm looking for nuts.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sapient View Post
    Is it worth it to pretend to be a girl just to get some stuff?
    Depends on what the "stuff" is.

  34. #34
    Philosopher jimjim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gammix View Post
    Look out, I may quote that one too! Live in fear!



    Crosses, ready. Stones, ready. Imaginary friends, ready. Loading... fire!
    Viva la Freedom!!!

  35. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by ****ing Crazies
    Hey, Pastor Skeet here... We've given our own Kyle Goldman a page on the Zounds! site for his awesome mini-reviews of video games. When he's not too busy studying at the F-Ship to become a Missiological Technician, Kyle likes to hang with his peeps in the Commons and play some vids. And let me tell you, Da G-Man got game. Back in the day, I could play a righteous game of Pong, but even I've got nothing on Kyle's mad skillz. As the gamers say: I got pee-to-the-owned, powned.

    Hopefully Kyle's reviews will help y'all enjoy some Christ-centered gaming and inspire you to take up the mission in-game. Remember: just 'cause you're an Orc doesn't mean you can't witness for Jesus to your fellow gamers! For the Lord!
    .......................
    Lolz.
    In memory of Zingoleb, who was a dumb*** and posted porn.

    Quote Originally Posted by mbstokem View Post
    First they let the blacks take our women now women can take our women?!?
    Quote Originally Posted by Nichts View Post
    I'm looking for nuts.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sapient View Post
    Is it worth it to pretend to be a girl just to get some stuff?
    Depends on what the "stuff" is.

  36. #36
    Philosopher sirwolfric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyle"da gman" Goldman View Post
    [Parents need to be warned of this hidden objectionable content so they can organize boycotts. Please inform your Church
    I have already called my priest, texted him, wrote a letter, and emailed him. He better make a boycott on this game and talk about it in sundays sermon. I didnt even no you could kiss boys in bully. But now i know theres a achievement im gonna have to do it. Damm
    "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are"

  37. #37

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    Quote Originally Posted by sirwolfric View Post
    I didnt even no you could kiss boys in bully. But now i know theres a achievement im gonna have to do it. Damm
    I'm not sure what to say to you if you value 20 gamerpoints over your religion.

  38. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by ppppaaaauuuullll View Post
    I'm not sure what to say to you if you value 20 gamerpoints over your religion.
    Who wouldn't?
    In memory of Zingoleb, who was a dumb*** and posted porn.

    Quote Originally Posted by mbstokem View Post
    First they let the blacks take our women now women can take our women?!?
    Quote Originally Posted by Nichts View Post
    I'm looking for nuts.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sapient View Post
    Is it worth it to pretend to be a girl just to get some stuff?
    Depends on what the "stuff" is.

  39. #39
    Philosopher sirwolfric's Avatar
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    I dont agree with everything my religion does. IF 2 boys want to suck face let them, just not to close to me. and like some teenage kids my age i dont get pressured by video games. JUst because i teabag some guy in halo doesnt mean im gay it means im better than him.
    "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are"

  40. #40
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    I like how literally all the games he's given 0 crosses on, except for one, he hasn't actually played. I'm amused by pretty much all of them. And if an alternative to GH3 actually came out, wouldn't we hear about it? I'm sad that some Christians are actually like this. Hell, the Christians play more violent games than me.

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